Most of us believe that inherent to our Beingness is an ability to discern a potential mate when we first see him or her. True, there is that thing we call chemistry, indicated astrologically by a variety of cross-chart contacts (usually those involving ‘heat’=Mars, Vesta, Eros; intensity and a pull to darkness=Pluto; desire=Venus, Vesta, Eros; and/ or the 5th or 8th Houses) and there is compatibility, the way two personalities complement each other, and of course there is love–but the odd part is how we think we will know the mate when we encounter him or her–and how that judgment springs forth in an instant, based not on what is presented to us, but on what form we believe our love will take, indicated generally by the state of Venus in the natal chart.

Venus describes the characteristics we think our love will have; we assess every person we encounter based on the picture Venus has given us. Her sign, aspects, and placement all tell us how she assesses desireability, and, there is no way around this: if our Venus cannot relate to someone, if they do not possess at least one or two of those things Venus designates as embodying our desire, then we will not be able to be interested in another, no matter how the individual, others, or society define him or her on the ‘desireability scale.’

Two brief examples may show something of how this works. First, Gwenyth Paltrow (27 Sept 1972, 5:25 PM, Los Angeles California USA) shows Venus in Leo–she wants a star! Her very public dating history corroborates this, from a long term, serious relationship with Brad Pitt to current hubby, Coldplay front man Chris Martin, all have been at the top of their respective fields. Her Venus sextiles Saturn=she likes them steady, dependable, mature; Venus quincunxes the North Node=successful attraction is based in part on the partner’s ability to cause adjustment to her life course, almost as if she doesn’t perceive a relationship as serious unless she quite literally must change her life for it! And her Venus semi-squares its own ruler, the Sun in Libra in the 7th=she really only feels she can ‘shine’ in partnership; someone who has the same outlook is required.

Venus represents desire in the chart of a man as well. Well-known serial dater Warren Beatty (30 March 1937, 5:30 PM, Richmond Virgina USA) spent most of his successful acting career characterized as a womanizer–and he capitalized on this persona, particularly in 1975’s ‘Shampoo,’ a witty and perceptive exploration of what it’s like to live so much in the moment that you let real happiness slip away. Beatty’s dating history is far too long to summarize; suffice it to say that his Venus in Taurus required real beauty, and loyalty and steadfastness from his partner, if not himself. He very much dated ‘beauty of the era,’ women who reflected the current fashion in looks. His Venus is conjunct Uranus=he likes something ‘new,’ in perpetuity! Venus quincunxes Mars in Sagittarius=he wants a woman who will adjust to his masculinity (and possibly to his roving ways, courtesy of Sag). His Venus is sextile Vesta, suggesting that his prolific love life might have very sincere roots; he may indeed be motivated by a sense that sex is sacred. And his Venus is semi-square his South Node, suggesting that at least in part, his desires and behaviors in love and mating are rooted in the past.

Next time you find yourself attracted to someone, check your Venus, and see if that person doesn’t in one way or another express something vital to your sense of desire. You might be surprised at how many forms Venus can take!