Tag Archives: real life astrology

Neptune-Chiron: Projection, Hurt, and Ownership

12 Tuesday May 2009

Posted by in astrology, Chiron, Consciousness Explored, current events in the sky, Neptune

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The Martyrdom of Saint Sebastian by Honore Daumier

The Martyrdom of Saint Sebastian by Honore Daumier

At least since December, when Chiron and Neptune entered each other’s orb, we’ve seen an ongoing test of our connection to reality. Now, everyone has areas they’d rather not look at too closely, places in our lives where we keep our perceptions in soft focus around the edges. I’m not speaking of those things we accept or let pass or don’t inspect too minutely, out of an already full life plate, or the simple reluctance to admit something isn’t perfect–that’s not only human, it’s probably vital to healthy functioning, as we could be easily overwhelmed by too much detail, too many things to ‘fix.’ I’m talking about those few of us with a relational disconnect in the overall world view, where the individual’s idea of who they are, and who others are, is deeply and fundamentally off.

This conjunction was early on imbued with both a spirit of Self and aggression and a mentality that framed dissonance as a personal power struggle, with the transits of both Mars and Juno to this combo.

The energy became more prominent as Jupiter neared the conjunction of Chiron/ Neptune; its presence boosts the need to project, to broadcast, related ideas and concepts as a means of expressing one’s belief in them, and thereby, at least to the mind that’s confused, proving their validity–it’s a Self-righteous energy that feeds on belief/ faith in an ideal that does not correlate to the reality picture. Jupiter also brings in the social element, the possibility of reaching out and imposing the ideas in the social sphere, again as an expression of their ‘truth’–“I wouldn’t be able to say this publicly if it weren’t true!”

The big problem with all of this is, Chiron and Neptune both hold expression pitfalls for those who are prone to fantasy, delusion, obfuscation, as the conjunction marries the urge to embrace illusion with the primal wound, the sense of hurt that, if left unclaimed and unexplored by the individual, becomes ripe for projection, and that is essentially what we’ve been seeing the past few months, an insistent sense of victimhood which has taken (temporary) hold of a dispiriting few.

How do we sort ‘true’ victims (as there are those who suffer legitimately at the hands of others) from those who have simply taken the worldview that they are victims, fueled by the easy Self-empathy of a complete mis-perception of role, actions, or intents? One easy way is to ask, where does this person ‘live’? Is their sense of Self seated in a me (or us) v. them mentality, where they are ‘done to,’ where others have bad intent, where they are a crusader for good and right in the face of those who are insensitive bullies? In this regard, anyone who disowns the potential to be the aggressor themselves becomes a candidate.

This is not, on its own, definitive, as there certainly are bullies, insensitive louts, and those who mean us harm, and sometimes the world does divide up into sides. There are other factors that distinguish those who are suffering under this transit (and suffer they do, as the pain they feel is real–the problem comes with their clear misunderstanding of where it originates). One distinguishing trait is, they are the aggressor–they pick the fight, typically based on an indignant reaction to what someone else has said or done that violates their delusional sense of Self. Often this has been sought out–the Neptune-challenged individual goes looking for a savior, or at least someone to support their fantasy Self, and when the mirror the other person holds up doesn’t show them the illusion they expect–well it must be that person’s fault, right there–the reflection is wrong, the mirror is wrong, and the person holding the mirror is wrong–because, they firmly believe, it couldn’t be them–in fact, that’s a basic assumption they enter the situation with, that in no way are they misguided, or have anything to learn–a real irony when the situation is a teaching or guidance one.

It’s also common that the person they choose to blame is someone ‘safe,’ someone who will likely not reject them, or who is not involved in the real problem. It’s almost a form of scapegoating, the ancient practice of designating someone or something as the carrier of all the village’s problems and sins, and then driving the bearer out of town–in this case the ‘village’ being the Neptune-influenced individual, who does not recognize the internal schism that prevents acknowledging the problem as their own.

How do you know when you are dealing with someone thus afflicted? “You think” may be the first words of many of their sentences–they speak as if they’re psychic (Neptune, again!) and yet what you’re hearing has no relation to what’s actually in your mind or heart–and you quickly discover that contradicting them brings out the emotional flood, anger or hurt, one and the same. They come at you claiming a wound, blaming the hurt on you, and yet this doesn’t make sense–it’s like they’ve set off huge emotional smoke bombs, deflecting attention from the real source of upset, determined to extract energy, attention, and penance from the accused–and if you’re the accused, you may think they have a point–until you realize that you are not reacting from emotion, or a need to Self-defend, and that even offered apologies or clear explanations as to your intent are ignored–the individual has a stake in taking a stance that demands you accept their indignation, and that you be responsible for their hurt, even if it doesn’t make sense, and it’s the one-sided, punishing nature of the interaction that is your biggest and best clue that this person is under the Neptune/ Chiron spell, using you as a screen for projection and Self-justification. Even those who claim to speak for the oppressed can be subject to this–for just as likely that they are correct in their remarks is the possibility that they are taking a passive-aggressive tack toward judgment and blame, typically engaging in precisely what they accuse others of.

It’s a sad situation; it can bring to ruin perfectly good relationships, as the Neptune individual does not, will not, cannot allow themselves to see the imperfection in their reasoning–as that would require a release of the illusion of victimhood–and right now, for them, that just feels too good, too safe, and perhaps is the only way they can feel right.

And to those who may feel injury at the hands of others, it’s good to remember, that no one can injure you without your consent.

You may want to check out several of the excellent posts here http://questionofmindfulness.wordpress.com/ as they touch on the same topic, and offer some facets I might have missed.

What You’re Asking: Composites, Political Suns, and Venus! Venus! Venus!

21 Tuesday Apr 2009

Posted by in 12th House, aspects and placements, astrology, Venus

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Please explain composite charts–

Composites are composed of the nearer midpoint pictures of each energy of two natal charts in relation to each other; some astrologers place them by figuring the composite Ascendant and using the preferred House system, placing the cusps from there, some use a more literal approach and figure each cusp based on the two natal cusps. This method is used widely in studying relationships, particularly between mates.

If you are an astrologer who uses composites, I say, More power to you! Many astrologers feel they get very illuminating results with this method. I don’t use composites, and here’s why: when we enter into a relationship, we don’t lose our individuality and morph into a single, compromise being; we instead act and react based on the interactions of energies as represented within our individual charts. Above all else, we are unique Beings, and I don’t think that disappears when we enter relationship.

What is indicated when a man’s Juno is conjunct a woman’s Moon?

If these individuals are the appropriate ages in relation to each other, then the strongest possibility may be that they will be partners in parenting. He will see her nurturing, feeling, and maternal nature as perfect partnership material, while she would vibe strongly to his need for and model of partnership. The connection will be an emotional one on her part, and one that feels ‘right’ on his–but without more specifics we can’t begin to guess whether this would indicate a true, intimate partnership, or a functional one that focuses on raising children or centers on maintaining a household.

Is there a connection between politicians and having a 12th House Sun?

In order to try and get a handle on such a broad category, I looked into one of the most exclusive clubs on earth, those who hold the office of U.S. President. I found five presidents with 12th House Suns (though one, Andrew Jackson, is questionable due to uncertain birth time). The others are Chester A. Arthur, George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, and Ulysses S. Grant. Anything stand out to you about this group? What struck me was the way four of the group (Jackson, Bush, Carter, and Grant) are all assessed in stark terms, with no shortage of those who would point to them as presidential failures.

Does a 12th House Sun limit abilities in some regard? No, not at all–but the aspects may say a little something more, and combined with a typical 12th House Sun’s fulfillment often coming in a behind-the-scenes capacity, could suggest that a 12th House Sun may find it extra difficult to act effectively as leader and figurehead for a nation–it tends to be harder for this placement to be seen, and you’ll note that most rose to prominence in another arena before entering politics (Grant and Jackson as generals, Bush as failed oilman, failed Rangers owner, and son of a President, Arthur as school teacher, lawyer, customs official, only elected to Vice-President and succeeding to the top office with Garfield’s assassination, and both Bush and Carter, a peanut farmer, were governors just before they won the office).

Arthur, second only to Millard Fillmore in forgetability

Arthur, second only to Millard Fillmore in forgetability

Astrologically the most notable thing was that these 12th House Suns didn’t enjoy many positive aspects; in fact, Bush and Carter have only hard aspects between their Suns and other natal energies, while Jackson has one positive aspect, Grant has a few trines, and Arthur a few sextiles–but even with these positives their Suns carry the brunt of some outnumbering negative aspects, as well. It’s more like these men rose to the presidency in spite of their 12th House Suns, and in suffering some of the difficulty a person with this placement faces in mustering support  to lead a country, they also suffered as carriers of the Collective shadow. All were president during especially unsettling and challenging times when the country itself was undergoing huge turmoil–and we may consider that this may be why, at least in part, they won out over others, as the populace sensed the ability of each to recede into the flow and change of the times.

Does Venus retrograde natally indicate unfaithfulness?

No. No one placement ever defines a behavior–and there’s also the matter of free will, and choice.

Does Venus in the 2nd indicate you’ll have a beautiful partner?

No; the 2nd indicates what assets you possess–and as we know, partner’s are not possessions!–and though physical beauty can be suggested by particular placements or configurations, we must remember, when it comes to people, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

What happens when Venus transits in Capricorn?

The general atmosphere may skew values and aesthetics toward the practical, the useful, and tempers lean toward the no-nonsense. We may appreciate things like architecture, industrial design, and civic improvements more than usual, and around the house we may stick to making sure systems run soundly. Cappy Venus can offer us a chance to make money through things we’ve already studied/ prepared, or through plain hard work–and love may boil down to what’s dependable, rather than what’s exciting.

See my latest over at Been There, Done That on men and mood http://askjulie.wordpress.com,  buy my work at http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com  and see my ongoing series on Juno at http://sasstrology.com

Did It Happen To You?

05 Thursday Feb 2009

Posted by in aspects and placements, astrology, current events in the sky

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Just something I noticed yesterday, and I must preface this with the caveat that not every communication I received falls in this category; but I did hear from a scattering of individuals who all had something I’ll define as a theme in common: they were busy ‘showing me.’ These were people I don’t hear from often, the rarity of their communications part of what tipped me off to the trend. Did this happen to you? Did you hear from someone whose message was passive-aggressive,  filled with angry engagement that you don’t (or perhaps no longer) feel? The tone of these notes/ messages was ultimately sad, as these individuals somehow feel that something is owed them psychically, emotionally, and yet that’s not appropriate to the existing relationship (and in my case, it never was appropriate, a condition that these people do not seem to fathom). It was the psychic equivalent to Bill Gates’ mosquito releasing stunt: irritating as he tried to make a point, but not really of significance.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my mailbox wasn’t stuffed with hate mail–far from it, but there were enough out-of-the-way communications (some of them wearing very pretty words and images) that it made me take a look at conditions. My first thought was the Moon; it was moving through Gemini, so no surprise that people felt motivated to speak out, and in easy aspect to many energies (specifically the gathering in Aquarius–and that’s a lot of air, spurring us to think, whether we want to or not). Jupiter squared Vesta, and this may be key to the tone: these individuals may have been challenged to measure their own beliefs against what they truly find sacred–and when we come up short, the tendency is to rationalize and justify, for the ego (Mars–more about him in a moment) to jump forward. Mercury moved into semi-sextile with Neptune yesterday, and this says that communications can be guided by ideals or by delusion and fantasy–you decide. But I think the real trigger may have been Mars–as it moved from Capricorn (restraint, reality) to Aquarius, we may have seen the brakes come off the aggressive and assertive energies, with a tendency now to intellectualize and rationalize (Aquarius) one’s desire to lash out (or just to speak out–as I said, not all communications will fall into the ‘show you’ category). So, if this happened to you, I would say take it less as a true communication and more as a statement, an instance where someone is showing how they believe (Jupiter) you should be engaged with them, in defiance of the real life situation.

Today much the same is in effect, with one important difference: the Moon goes Void today at 9:45 AM PST today (the 5th) and remains so until 8:05 PM PST. This suggests that, with the same conditions in effect, we could have two radically different outcomes: messages received today may be of the same character, but they may either pack no punch (where even the individual speaking doesn’t believe what they’re saying), or they could spark a completely unanticipated response within you, leading you somewhere you never expected to go.

CHIRON IN THE NATAL CHART is available directly from me, or from Dog and Sunflower Press (which is me, too!) and so is THE ASTROLOGY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP–email juliedemboski@hotmail.com or dogandsunflower@hotmail.com to order–Thanks!

Here’s some great truth-telling going on about male/ female relationships, excerpted from an upcoming work by Jessica Shepherd http://moonkissd.com/2007/12/12/use-your-venus-ladies-not-your-mars/ and here http://blogs.astrology.com/venus_beyond/2009/02/chiron-neptune-node-shake-the-disease.html

Take note of more Mercurial happenings here with Jude Cowell http://judecowell.wordpress.com/2009/02/05/inauguration-2009s-mercury-return-feb-15/

And have a great Thursday!

Monday Poll Round-Up, Past and Present Collide, and the Fog Rolls In

17 Monday Nov 2008

Posted by in aspects and placements, astrology, current events in the sky, Mercury, Neptune, Pluto

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We only had one poll this week, ‘Is Love or Money your big ‘danger area’ with Venus in Capricorn?’ As of this morning, 28% say Love, 33% say Money, and a puzzling 39% are looking forward to this, as their natal Venus is in Earth; and I say this is puzzling, as we might expect more like 25% of readers to have Earth Venus placements. So what does this say? Maybe that people who are practical and concerned about concrete Venusian issues read astrology blogs out-of-proportion to their Airy, Watery, and Fiery counterparts.

I’ve had some intense, jarring experiences in the last few days where past and present have met in some unusual and intriguing symbolisms. People I haven’t thought of in years have popped into my head (or my dreams!) and the same seems to be happening to people around me–and I’m assuming, to you, too. What’s driving this? Perhaps Pluto at 29 of Sagittarius, exorcising the distant past, and conveying information about the now at the same time–if All is One, and there is no time in a linear sense, then a window is open that allows us to connect and synthesize elements of the past as they apply to the future, surely a delicious opportunity for understanding and acquisition of knowledge.

The Cancer Moon today (the 17th) quincunxes Pluto, suggesting that the emotional implications of the past and present reconciling will be at the forefront of our emotional reality; the Moon will also trine the Sun, then, when it enters Leo, trine Mars at 00 Sagittarius, and what action we might take will come clear. On the 21st the Earth perfects a quincunx to Pluto, bringing the material impact of all this Plutonian dredging and examining into focus (would that we could see this first, then receive the Mars/ Moon impetus to act, but ours is not to question why  . . . ) The upcoming Sun/ Mercury Superior Conjunction on the 24th brings the final message–believe what is communicated at this point, as it will be the key to finishing up with Sag issues successfully.

The fog rolls in–literally, as it has done here in Seattle, and figuratively, with the Mercury/ Neptune square. We know the drill here, know all the keywords that can describe Neptune’s effect on communication, information, short-distance travel, sibling relationships, and so on, so how do we determine which one of the scary (delusion, illusion, deception) or uplifting (inspirational, idealized, dream fulfilled) banners should be hung on Mercury for us as individuals? It’s elementary, dear Watson: look at the emotions behind the messages (Merc in Water) and the ways in which they clash with our ‘mental pictures’ (Neptune in Air). A secondary method involves looking to the positions of transiting Merc and Neptune in the natal chart, noting what they may be aspecting (anything at approx. 19-23 degrees of Air and Water signs, plus the ‘off’ measurements of the quincunx and semi-square)–if this puts at least one of them in hard (conjunction, square, semi-square, opposition, quincunx) aspect to something in the natal chart, then your message and meaning come here–and don’t forget, this is a conflict-meeting of the rulers of several Houses in the natal chart–look here, too, for meaning. If you’re having trouble, describe the situation of the transiting planets in your chart in the comments section (not to my email!) and I’ll see what I can see!

And in the meantime, have a great Monday!

Monday Poll Roundup, the Wisdom of Bumper Stickers, and Expanding the Mind, No Matter What

27 Monday Oct 2008

Posted by in astrology

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So let’s see what we can surmise from answers to the polls featured here this week. The first question (this poll is now closed) was “Does knowing about aspect possibilities ahead of time help you deal with the energies?” This was pretty straightforward: 79% yes, 21% no, with nobody seeing it as irrelevant–not too surprising at an astrology site!–though I am concerned about that 21% who answered no, as the essence of astrology is understanding what isn’t apparent on the surface–and this answer suggests that these people are suffering a disconnect between the information offered and the ability to apply it in their own life–and that, of course, is the goal of astrology. In my experience, that disconnect usually (but not always) indicates that there is some distortion in how we’re seeing the circumstances of our life–if there weren’t, application would be clear (even if it’s not easy!)

All the rest of the questions are still open, but at last peek, the second question, “Have your chickens come home to roost?” referring to the Mercury direction, showed a startling 21% of you noticed no effect at all, with 43% dining on their spoils and a sad (or angry!) 36% feeling that the Universe was requiring them to clean the coop. Hooray for the 43%  of happy diners–they’re obviously doing something very right! The unhappy 36%, though, aren’t necessarily doing anything wrong-instead I suspect they’re being offered an opportunity to weed out some Mercury-related elements of the life that aren’t serving their best interests. And to those who felt no effect–either they’re not terribly attuned to Mercury, or they’ve missed the signals, and will get a surprise that something developed right under their noses and without their knowledge, with the likely reveal coming at the Superior Conjunction of the Sun and Mercury (25-26 November).

“About What Venus subject are you most trepidatious right now?” A full 52% answered money–upcoming posts will address this subject as much as possible. 29% said love–also a topic I’ll make an effort to concentrate on (or see my book ‘THE ASTROLOGY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP’). 10% of you said Art was the Venusian subject most on your mind–check out Neptune for hints as to where and in what way you could be aided in your quest to create. And the final 10% are split evenly between Beauty and Other–Hmmm.

As to the question of anticipating whether Saturn-Uranus or Neptune will exert the biggest impact on you, more than a third (35%) are betting that Neptune is deluding, deceiving, or confusing them. I was not happy to hear this–M. Scott Peck defines confusion as one of the hallmarks of the influence of evil, and I think he might be right, if we define evil as any influence not seated in a Loving intent (and thus working against the best interests of the individual, likely by seeking to prevent the individual from accessing his or her own resources–and that can be anything positive–in order that those resources can be available to someone else). There is a lot of hope, with 26% believing that Neptune is acting as inspiration of one kind or another, and 22% see the stronger influence for them personally in the Saturn-Uranus opposition, with this implying a pretty clear cut (and thus more easily resolved) dilemma. 9% of you are focused on Pluto–understandable, as this can be a formidable energy, requiring all one’s attention when active in the chart–but a puzzling 9% are focused on other matters–and I wonder, what influence could be superseding these powerhouses in the individual’s life?

And finally, a whopping 57% of you do not identify with your Sun sign, feeling that there’s much more to who you are–and all I can say is, Yes! I love it when readers want to grasp the nuances and tackle the complexities–it makes for very interesting individuals! But, those who do identify with their Sun (a full 29%) strike me as individuals who aspire to purity in the best sense–who respond to the clarity and definition offered by identification with the Sun. And 14% were playful (and honest!), answering that they identify with the Sun sign, but only when they like the description! Now there’s a group that’s flexible, and willing to roll the dice!

Now here’s a thought to mull over, bumper sticker wisdom if I’ve ever seen it (don’t discount the power of such a simple thing, though–sometimes it reaches right to the heart of what we must address). The question is, ‘What are you pretending not to know?’ I’d love to hear from each of you, gentle readers, about what this might bring to mind. I’m still mulling it over, as this turned out to be a powerful question for me, but will share when I’ve worked it all out.

Here is a really eloquent example of what it means to expand one’s worldview and one’s thinking, without the permanent Self-pity, anger, or depression that might overcome and destroy those of us who hold a lesser consciousness: http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2008/10/i_think_im_musing_my_mind.html

A fine explanation of Diwali (perhaps familiar to fans of ‘The Office’ if not through other means) here: http://blogs.astrology.com/vedic_astrology/2008/10/happy-diwali.html#more

You may want to check out this lovely essay that delves into the spiritual significance of autumn http://laurenlesko.com/398

And now for something completely sweet (literally!): http://buttersugarflour.com/

Happy Monday!

My 12th Comes to Life

10 Saturday May 2008

Posted by in aspects and placements, astrology, current events in the sky, Pluto, Saturn

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Though I’m loathe to talk about myself (1st House Pisces Moon–see my previous article on how we want to hide!) it almost seems a disservice to relate to my readers, and to astrology, as if it’s all an abstraction, ‘out there,’ and of course part of my job is to apply astrology to real life–so sometimes, as when I spoke of my own recent health crisis, it seems appropriate to share. Almost two weeks ago my husband was told his job would no longer exist as of July 1st. This was more than a shock (and Uranus is conjunct my natal Moon! I was warned of this by an alert reader months ago, but my response was, “Yes, but I think this has already come about with ‘x'” Boy was I off!)–the situation didn’t make sense–my husband’s the guy who actually supervises everyone else, does all the paperwork, keeps things in compliance and running–what were they thinking? That leaves the people who deal directly with the clients, and the big-wigs who do . . . I don’t know what. On top of this, we’ve always been the ones to do the leaving, to wave good-bye to one circumstance as it recedes in the rear view mirror and to head off toward another–no one’s ever said, “You can’t have this job anymore” to either of us. So setting aside the blow to the ego, we’ve both gone through the five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) in lightning-quick speed, largely because we’ve both got an extremely strong belief that the Universe is to be trusted, that this is happening not just with good reason, but with our consent. I look at the transits to my chart (and maybe this is a weakness for me, that I’m not constantly ruminating on my own chart) and of course see that one of my greatest fears (held for me in the subconscious 12th, which is Saturn-ruled), the fear of extreme impoverishment (and of course it’s extreme, my Libra Sun must swing to radical ends before it balances itself out) and destruction (my packed 8th House) has come to reality (T Saturn just 13 minutes from N Pluto in the 7th of spouse, the other, the audience, Art–Pluto rules the 9th, which contains Venus and the North Node–Saturn also squares the Midheaven, sextiles Neptune, semi-sextiles Mercury).

Or has it? The more time that passes, the more this seems like an obvious blessing. My husband’s workplace is not just dysfunctional, it seems to be imploding (and there’s some question as to whether his position received the ax because he pushed strongly for compliance with federal mandates, and the powers that be were highly resistant–likely because the obvious analysis would have displaced one or more of them). It has challenged us to move toward what we say we want–and though I love my life here, there are things I want to do that will not happen in this spot. It’s pushed us both to make choices, and I’m grateful for the wake-up call to move us forward in so many ways. Yes, we could still lose our house, could still find ourselves in tough straits–but as I work to live in the moment, what I find is that everything is really going very well–and I’m challenged to trust that whatever the future brings, even if it appears disastrous, is right for us.

Silly me, when I first contemplated the possibilities of the Saturn to Pluto transit, I skimmed over the idea of job loss for my husband (7th House location). Saturn and Pluto have always been my friends, and the idea of him losing his position didn’t make logical sense, so I actually looked forward to this. And now, almost two weeks after revelation, I finally am once again anticipating that this contact will, eventually, be a positive one. One last aside, as an astrologer I of course have done some horaries related to possibilities–and had to laugh, as in three separate charts asking three separate questions and cast at totally different times/ dates, the indication has consistently been that resolution (likely in the form of a new job) will manifest May 20th. I’ll keep you informed!

Is Your Mate Your Fate?

02 Wednesday Apr 2008

Posted by in astrology, relationship astrology

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Many of us are looking for ‘the One’ with whom to have a romantic relationship, but the set-up of the horoscope tells us that for each person there are many ‘Ones.’ A lot of people reject this idea; why then, they ask, has it been so hard to find a mate? Any mate, that lasts more than a couple of months. And my answer to that is, because you don’t really know what you want. And by extension, that also asserts that you don’t know yourself well enough to recognize the person who is right for you.

Sounds cynical, doesn’t it? Like I’m accusing people of deliberately walking around unwilling to discover (and in some cases, to accept) what would create the most satisfying relationship for them. Yes, yes I am. I’ve been doing this long enough to know some basic truths about human behavior, and conflict between what they want because they think it’s glamorous, fashionable, cool, or that it’s what they should want, versus what they truly long for, is common. Why do we shy away from knowing true fulfillment in relationship? Many times, it’s because we fear it’s not glamorous, fashionable, cool, or will not win us accolades or approval from those who matter to us. Sad, but very often true. We tend to see relationships as extensions of us–and the last thing we want is to feel embarassed by the behavior of someone with whom we link ourselves (and, of course, if we suffer from this, we tend to judge others this way, so expect they will judge us, using the same standards, as well).

When we finally decide that accepting who we are will lead us to being incredibly happy, we can turn to the horoscope for guidance. The natal chart can help us define not just what we want, but who will find us attractive, and if we can raise our own awareness of where discrepancies lie in our thinking, we will be that much better equipped to recognize who will suit us when we meet them. Looking at just one area, we see that the 5th describes what we characterize as romantic–these characteristics attract us like a moth to a flame, and with about that much forethought. When we mate based on the 5th, we are 9 times out of 10 in for a rude awakening, because the images of the 5th are taken from our concepts of romance, not from real life. Romance is a lens through which we willingly look when we want to see someone as suitable; it’s a soft-focus rooted in our creative abilities (also shown by the 5th) and that relates romance directly to the fantasy and delusion we find in our Neptune.

Then we examine the 7th, looking for what we see as ‘mate material’ (Juno also plays a part in this, particularly for men). The differences between the two Houses are often startling. Have you ever seen someone who dated one kind of person, then seemingly ‘out of the blue’ married another kind? Were there cries of ‘What does she see in him?’ or ‘She’s nothing like x, his last girlfriend’? Then you were witnessing the crossed-wire impulses of someone who dated by the 5th, but married by the 7th–which is an improvement over marrying by the 5th, as these people are utterly confounded after the ceremony, often feeling like they don’t know the person they married–and they probably don’t!

Let’s take the example of a woman with Aquarius on the 5th–she dates her intellectual equal, likes mind play, shares a taste for ‘the modern,’ and may choose partners from the avant garde or who are wildly impulsive–she defines these behaviors as romantically stimulating. If she marries such a partner, unless he has a strong Mars/ Arian streak (as Aries is on the 7th), she may not find him suitable after the Big Day, simply because she looks for a life partner who is a take charge leader, a pioneer (which is compatible with the Aquarian forward-thinking) and perhaps a bit of an egotist or chauvanist (which is definitely not compatible with the Aquarian outlook). If she abandons her romantic ideals and marries someone strongly Arian, unless he also shows Uranus or Aquarius prominent, she may spend her marriage longing for romance.

Of course, there are many other factors, not the least of which involve tastes and ways of relating (Venus), sex drive (Mars), intensity (Pluto), imagination, playfulness, and fantasy (Neptune) and identity needs (Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, and chart ruler, with varying degrees of importance, depending on one’s sex). Cross chart interaction is what truly defines a relationship as a good one (and if you want to label it ‘the One,’ I won’t stop you!) And the more we know about what we want, and what our partner wants, the better we will do at satisfying needs and desires, all around.

Like my take on relationships? Try my book THE ASTROLOGY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP, available through Dog & Sunflower Press http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com  Thanks!