Category Archives: Eros

What You’re Asking: Eros in Public, An Emo Ghost, and Stalker Synastry

05 Tuesday Aug 2014

Posted by in Eros, Gemini, Midheaven, Relationship Advice, Venus and Psyche

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Katsushika Hokusai (葛飾北斎) 'The Lantern Ghost' c1830 {{PD-Japan-oldphoto}}

Katsushika Hokusai (葛飾北斎) ‘The Lantern Ghost’ c1830 {{PD-Japan-oldphoto}}

This is a re-print from ‘Been There, Done That’, my relationship site; phrases below in italics are taken from internet searches that have brought individuals to my sites.  I hope you enjoy this article (once again, perhaps?)

Eros conjunct the Midheaven

In the chart of an individual, Eros conjoined the Midheaven will likely manifest as an eroticization of the career or public function; in other words, he or she will be turned on by the professional role, and/or by their own exposure (and I use that word intentionally) in the public arena. This can have very innocent results–someone super-dedicated to the role they play in life can be the result, the consummate professional who excels because they’re truly dedicated to what they do–or it can bring about the kind of person who participates very eagerly in life–they ‘play the game’ with gusto. This can also be someone who thrives on the attention of the crowd, and particularly likes to hear about themselves and their reputations–a kind of reverse gossip, who wants to hear it all, as long as it’s about him or her! It can also signal someone who’s very open and honest about their proclivities, or someone who doesn’t mind others knowing what they truly are turned on by–they show preferences with no holding back, no shame, very healthy as they let others look on minus any hesitation about others knowing who they are–because to them, the private stuff lies elsewhere. And yes, it can also signal someone for whom their own public image is eroticized, with those observing seeing them as a sexual object, or as personifying an idealized sexual image as prescribed by the relevant society or even social circle. See an example here

Cross-chart, if one person’s Eros conjuncts another’s MC, we see the Eros person turned on by the career and/or public image of the other person–this could be a celebrity-chaser, or someone who often finds themselves attracted to those that others admire, with or without it making any sense. The response of the MC person will depend largely on that person’s feeling about receiving that erotic projection; if it fits their own ideas about themselves, they may thoroughly enjoy it–if it’s at odds with the way they see themselves (or the way they believe the other person should perceive them) then it can be a disquieting experience to interact with the Eros individual–minds will be changed, or the MC person will beat feet out of there fast, out of sheer discomfort!

Don’t confuse Eros with love; it is, instead, focused desire with the intention to possess that upon which it’s fixed–and though sometimes that feels like love, it’s really a type of projection, a decision to mentally overlay the person or object (because yes, they call fetishes and toys and talismans and such ‘erotica’ for a reason!) with sexual meaning.

Do Gemini men indulge in adultery?

They’re human, aren’t they? No sign is immune to any behavior,  just as no sign guarantees a behavior–we’re much more complex than that. Here’s my thought: if you’re asking the question, then you’re not feeling secure in the relationship–so the next issue becomes, Is it you, or is it him? Sometimes we project our own proclivities onto others; in this case, you might be prone to stray yourself, or, more likely, you might be unreliable, and this could translate into a need to constantly be reassured in whatever life area you are least secure, in this case, the romantic one. Or, this could genuinely be your intuition speaking. Only you know for sure.

husband not emotionally there

My heart (and the hearts of many of my readers) definitely go out to you. It’s not easy trying to relate to someone who seems unreachable on any but an intellectual level. That said, we must acknowledge that your husband’s emotions exist–and it’s important to say this, as it’s easy to pretend that someone not showing emotion doesn’t have emotions. And that suggests that he’s either feeling alienated from his own emotions (via depression) or that he is hiding his feelings from you.

I don’t mean to be glib, but it seems to me that if your husband is not emotionally there, with you, then he must be somewhere else–and I think that in some circumstances, this is the reality we don’t want to face. If this happens to strike a chord with you, the first thing you must do is face that, though a relationship consists of many facets, and connects at many levels, a marital relationship without emotional engagement basically negates all but the legal definition of the pact; marriage is, at its very essence, an emotional communion–and without that, you may be looking at the fact that the marriage no longer exists.

It’s essential that you understand a few things before you make any decisions or pronouncements: that your husband has disengaged for a reason–it may be one he needs help with (like depression) or may be one he will fiercely deny or defend against (infidelity, emotional or physical, a change in his feelings toward you, a spiritual path that may have turned him strongly toward considering only himself–and this latter should’ve lead him to formally end a relationship with you long before, so it’s not a more ‘noble’ excuse). You must also recognize that you cannot control his responses, nor should you try; though there may be a feeling that he ‘owes you’ (as implied by some readings of the marriage vows) sorting this out is not helped by judgments or demands, though it’s true that as your partner, he needs to acknowledge and deal with his own disengagement. You must also acknowledge your own, true feelings; sometimes we are as disengaged as our partner, but don’t want to see it–and sometimes we simply want to extract ‘payment’ in some form, for the pain we feel they’ve caused–but in both instances, we may not love anymore, ourselves, and are misrepresenting our own position, out of righteousness, as well as misunderstanding our own emotional state.

Sometimes we cannot get our partner, when he’s in this state, to speak in any meaningful way about existing circumstances, and in this case, it falls to you to decide how you feel (regardless of his feelings–after all, your feelings aren’t dependent on his, are they? And if they are, then it’s high time this relationship was examined, anyway). You only have control of yourself, so once you determine your own feelings (and sort out your own needs) you’ll know whether this ghost husband is offering anything sustainable, anything that still retains the shape of a marriage, and it will be quite obvious what you must do from there. Good luck–

Why did Venus hate Psyche?

I think ‘hate’ is the wrong word here–I think Venus was threatened by Psyche’s beauty, and that would make her both envious (wanting what Psyche has) and jealous (when Venus’ son Eros, whose full attention Venus had up to this point, falls in love with Psyche–Venus wants the attention of Eros, that Psyche now has). It just illustrates the idea that a woman who tries to destroy another woman hates a little part of herself–not a pretty picture at all.

stalker synastry

All synastry is highly dependent on the interaction of individual charts for ‘punch,’ and the synastry of a stalker to a stalkee could have any number of compelling aspects. A few include: the Pluto of the stalker to any identity energy (Sun, Moon, Venus for female, Mars for male, chart ruler, Sun or Moon ruler) of the stalked; Saturn of the stalker to these same identity energies (signalling a possible compulsion to control); Ceres (especially a female’s Ceres) to prominent chart energies; in negative Juno contact (usually more bossy than stalky); and Neptune prominent in the stalker’s chart and contacting significant energies of the stalkee–this latter obviously brings a high possibility of delusion into the mix. Still, so much depends on how these individuals use their energies, that just having some of these contacts doesn’t necessarily promise obsession–whew!

The Nature of Eros

19 Friday Jun 2009

Posted by in astrology, Eros

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Let’s get something straight: Eros is not an uncontrollable, primal response that arises unbidden, ethereal as an instinct; it’s also not a spontanous indicator, either by its presence in the psyche or the natal chart, of a force of lust that promises ultimate sexual satisfaction. To see it as designating ‘the erotic’ is also a disservice, as that puts the function of Eros outside the Self–and it definitely is intimate. The thing is, Eros is an energy that is very much under the individual’s control, at least in the sense that it isn’t something that wells up and overtakes us with no ryhme or reason. We have many clues about this in the story of the demi-god Eros and how he falls in love with the mortal Psyche. He accidently shoots himself with a magical arrow, and the first thing he sees after the accident is the beautiful Psyche, with whom he is then totally smitten.

There are a couple of points here: a device, albeit a magical one, is the initiator of Eros’ love–and that suggests that, though the experience has a magical, out-of-the-blue quality for the individual, it’s really quite deliberate: one must choose the arrow in the first place, one must choose a target and aim, one must shoot–all conscious choices; it’s a fluke that Eros was the recipient of the magical-feeling energy. He’d actually been tasked by his mother, Venus, to shoot Psyche with the arrow while she was in proximity to a beastly and repulsive man, for Venus believed that Psyche would be rejected by the rest of humanity if she chose as a mate someone others found unacceptable.

So, the energy of the arrow made Eros passionately desire Psyche; not fall in lust, not just want to have sex with, but long for her in a consuming way–and it’s part of the Eros experience that one finds a certain satisfaction just in the stirring of the erotic energy–that itself is pleasurable, aside from anything else. We also note that because Eros sees Psyche and wants her, in a very straightforward way, he has in essence objectified her–she becomes the object that receives his erotic energy.

This is an extremely important point, and I believe the heart of understanding Eros and the erotic: the experience of Eros is contained in the way an individual fixes attention on someone or something (and here we can see that Eros is also responsible for fetishism) and imbues the person or thing with erotic energy and feeling. The erotic energy comes from within the individual; and a choice is made as to the object upon which (or whom) one will fix this erotic feeling. This implies that the Eros experience is mental, in spite of its magical and very exciting quality (and this, of course, is the very quality that persuades us there is something otherworldly, fated, or destined in that which we find erotic).

There’s another point to be gleaned from the story of Eros: yearning to connect with (really to become one with, which is certainly why the Eros energy typically takes a sexual form) the woman Psyche necessitated Eros break from Venus (which Eros did by hiding his paramour from his mother–so his reaction to forming a new kind of relationship, a sexual one, was not mature)—and that suggests that in order to experience Eros we must actually separate from our typical way of forming relationships, even of loving, that passion is not love–showing us again that we cannot truly love what we objectify, simply because the thing objectified becomes a servant to our own erotic needs, and thus cannot be related to as an equal would be in a healthy relationship.

Examples of Eros in action, along with the full story of Eros, Venus, and Psyche, are available in my book THE ASTROLOGY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP  http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com  Thanks, have a great Friday, and come back for the Weekend Forecast!

‘What You’re Asking’: Retrogrades, Rapists, and Marrying Yourself

28 Wednesday Jan 2009

Posted by in aspects and placements, Eros, natal placement, Psyche, relationship astrology, Retrogrades

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Since the vast majority of recent searches have something to do with the current eclipse cycle, there wasn’t nearly the variety of queries from which to choose as I usually find, but of course, I did find some interesting questions worth addressing.

What is the meaning of natal Chiron retrograde?

There are a great many astrologers who put much interpretive stock in a planet or asteroid’s retrograde status, but I’m not one of them. I respect their reasoning; if it works in their interpretive picture, who am I to say otherwise? For myself, I’ve come to believe that, with retrogradation as an apparent, rather than a physical, phenomenon, it does have a meaning within our symbolic system, it’s just that, rather than giving the state of retrogradation its own meaning, I see the meaning as coming from the planet or point’s aspect picture to the other bodies, and particularly to the Sun. Each of the bodies that retrogrades does so in relation to the Sun, and so the meaning, for me, is held in the aspect picture, in the relationship, rather than in a simple direct or retrograde assessment. For instance, Uranus is always retrograde when it is opposed the Sun; this, then, has its own meaning, and keeps the focus on the relationship between the two bodies. Uranus will never ever ever be direct when opposing the Sun–and the parsing out of Uranian energies to Soul energies will reflect this dissonance, this oppositional stance–we don’t need to label Uranus as anything but what it is essentially, in that sign and House; understanding comes of the way it works, of its attitude, as it does for each of us in learning about ourselves, in our relationships to one another and the world that surrounds us.

The one exception I make to this is in Secondary Progression. I think its most useful function is to alert us to the fundamental change in energy that a body undergoes on changing direction. When a planet that has been direct all one’s life goes retrograde by Secondary Progression, the internal form of the energy seems to be drawn back in upon itself; these periods almost always insist on a long, slow mulling of the forms the energy takes in the life, and, eventually, modifications that bring it forward once more. The opposite is also true: when a planet goes direct by Secondary Progression we typically see leaps forward in either the understanding of or in dealing with the energy.

What does the natal chart of a rapist look like?

I’ve never had a client who was a rapist (that I know of!), so I have no first hand knowledge, but my interest in this was piqued about ten years ago, when my daughter Alex first became actively interested in boys and dating, but would on occasion comment, “I don’t like that guy; he’s got a rapist vibe.” Well of course she was joking and exaggerating, but conveying an essential truth at the same time: to her senses, this individual would not recognize another person’s autonomy, would not respect their boundaries, physical, emotional, spiritual, or mental, and so was not a good person with whom to interact. She felt that, eventually, someone like that would ‘rape’ all they contacted, one way or another.

I began, then, to think of rape in terms that perhaps would show some or all of these characteristics in the personality, and thus in the chart. We know that rape is not a crime of sex or desire but a crime of aggression and violence. Some possibilities (and naturally, many will have some of these placements and they will not be rapists–or, they may be the kind of rapists society condones, those who harm mentally or emotionally, and thus are hard to recognize or pin down, or whose aggressive tendencies are funneled into professions where it’s very difficult to pick the healthy person from the rapist, until they are put under pressure–and we’re including those who rape the spirit, as well–the military, the clergy, the prosecutorial, the protective, or any line of work that puts others at one’s mercy or under one’s authority, even parents–so nearly everyone, in one role or another): a sociopathic unconcern with the feelings or welfare of others is a main feature (Venus, Moon, and/ or the Sun wounded by Chiron, Pluto, or Saturn); aggression that may have a ‘back door’ into many life areas, such as a lot of placements in Aries or Scorpio, a strong Pluto, and almost any ego or Self-related energy that is somehow trapped, possibly by interception, posited in the 12th, or with few or no aspects–you may be wondering why I don’t list Mars, and the fact is that it’s such a fundamental expression of ego and action that it tends to be able to find its way ‘out’ no matter what! Classics include Mars/ Pluto contacts, but I find that they must be involved in some other precipitating factors before they are actually volatile, and if either or both are configured with Saturn they can be harnessed for good, with 50/50 chances of positive expression in cases where, for example, they are configured with Jupiter (big exaggeration OR society provides the standards and restraints). Neptune is also often a strong factor, either by matching their own behavior to unrealistic ideals and expectations (which are often imposed upon others–‘Carrie”s mother is a perfect example!) or through a twisted use of the Neptunian charm, ability to obscure, to delude, to present an illusory image to others. Of course there are as many possibilities as there are people; it all comes down to choices about how we use the energies that we have. See the works of Caroline Myss for more on the ways that we can suffer (and inflict) an energy of rape without ever laying a hand on another. THE GIFT OF FEAR by Gavin de Becker is essential reading for all women in our society, and gives excellent descriptions that will help your instincts overcome your programming.

What is the meaning of Psyche and Eros conjunct?

First, you know I use Arcturus as the planet Psyche, not the designated asteroid, based on Michael Munkasey’s work, and I do this because it works. You don’t say whether this is a synastric aspect between charts or in a single natal chart, so, synastry first: since Eros and Psyche were happily married, this could be one interpretive suggestion, though beware jealous and possessive mothers-in-law, catty sisters, and hot oil lamps. If this is in a natal chart, it could suggest a high degree of Self-satisfaction and a feeling of Self-completion, good for confidence but unlikely to support positive relationship interaction, simply because one may lack a driving need for another–look at the state of Venus and Mars, the state of the 7th of all others, as well as the overall Sun picture, to determine the possible impact.

What is the meaning of quincunx Ceres?

There is no meaning to this phrase, and here’s why: aspects are relative, and bodies gain their meaning in connection to points or bodies, so this is like saying, “A cookie is better.” Better than what? There is an implied comparative here, and without it, the phrase on its own is meaningless. We can’t even say, ‘in aspect Ceres acts like this’ because she will act differently with different energies–quincunx a partner’s Mars, perhaps, she may come across as motherly, and if she doesn’t adjust (quincunx) she’ll quash any potential romance; quincunx one’s own Pluto, one may be drawn to gardening, nature conservancy, baking, basket weaving, or negotiating quite early in life. So, like everything else, context is all–sit back, have a cookie, and don’t worry about it.

New Feature! ‘What You’re Asking’

09 Tuesday Dec 2008

Posted by in Capricorn, Elements, Eros, Grand Trine, Nodal Axis, relationship astrology

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I’ve decided that one of the best ways to serve readers may be to look through what they’ve been searching and try to address the topics that brought them here in the first place. To that end I’m creating a new feature, ‘What You’re Asking,’ that will on a weekly basis explore some of this material, and some of the topic queries, in a question and answer format. First up:

Can a Grand Trine be made up of different elements?

Yes, and when it is they become of prime importance in delineating the meaning of the aspect. We have a good example in the chart of Osama bin Laden (granted, even the date of 10 March 1957 Riddah, Saudi Arabia is in question, but if this is right . . . .) He shows a Grand Trine of the Moon at 00 Cancer trine Vesta at 26 Aquarius trine Neptune at 2 Scorpio–and we might guess that this config might have played out solely within his personal life if all positions had been in Water, but with the addition of Vesta in the intellectually-oriented Air placement of Aquarius we see the elevation of pure, basic emotion (Moon in Cancer) and emotion-keyed ideals/fantasies/delusions, possibly with a destructive bent (Neptune in Scorpio) to the level of philosophy and mental contemplation; and from there, it’s not hard to imagine the ‘action transit’ (a Solar Arc of Mars, perhaps?) that could’ve set bin Laden’s viewpoint into real-world motion.

What are the signs that a Capricorn male has lost interest?

Sometimes things just don't work out

Sometimes things just don't work out

Just knowing a Sun sign is not much to go on, but presuming that he is ‘typical’ (whatever that means!) then we can make a few guesses. Since Capricorn may be prone to expressing love through (in positive manifestation) the desire to ‘build’ something, tangible or intangible, for the object of his interest, then we may see him quietly (for the goat can be a stealthy creature) withdraw his efforts or support to very practical, day-to-day kinds of nurture. This is the kind of guy who offers to make your dream of a backyard retaining wall or cedar lined closet a reality, or he organizes on-line bill pay for you, or drives you to work every day–and then one day he is not working on the project, or administering the billing account, or you are curtly informed that he won’t be able to drive you–and there’s no mention of future availability. With a less healthy Cappy, this may show as an end to trying to make you conform to certain standards, no more dictation of your agenda or priorities, and no more judgment, ‘rules,’ or suppression–and it may take a minute, but soon you’ll feel the blessed relief of having his cloven hoof removed from your back!

What are the common mother/child connections in astrology? madonna-and-child

Though this can be a highly varied subject, with indicators keyed to the involved individuals, there are a few fairly consistent guidelines to look for. Almost without exception, I’ve seen contact in the form of conjunction between a personal placement of the child (very often the Moon) and one of the mother’s ‘public’ angles, typically the Midheaven or Ascendant–makes sense, as the birth of a child easily changes the way one presents oneself (ASC) and/ or the public image (MC). Contact between the Jupiter of one with a personal placement of the other (often Sun–identity–or Moon–mothering or role as mother) is common, with Jupiter in this instance representing the social role or place in society. Transits or Solar Arcs of Pluto to the mother’s chart can often signify pregnancy, and so the child will have a Pluto in relative proximity or close aspect to something important in the mother’s chart.

And we’ll wrap it up with aspect analysis: Eros conjunct Node  That gives us two possibilities: South and North. Eros conjunct the South Node marries the desire nature to the past–so what we find erotic may have been formed very early or even (if we believe this) in another life. With the North Node, this suggests that the desire nature may be a driving force behind our destined direction, and thus our life choices. If we’re talking about cross-chart contact, the stronger connector is by far one party’s Eros to the other party’s South Node–and this may be whirly-swirly with conflicting ideas and motivators; with Eros in one chart conjunct North Node in another, this could bring the Eros person into the picture as he or she looks to further the other’s life course, so overall this contact may feel a little user-y, with the Eros person being the ‘giver’ and the Node person the one receiving all the benefit (even as the Eros person desires to help).

Hope you’ve enjoyed this first installment of ‘What You’re Asking.’ See more about Eros in relationship in my book, THE ASTROLOGY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.

Eros Loves You–Sort of

19 Wednesday Mar 2008

Posted by in astrology, Eros, Venus

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Eros as an energy that carries one away on a wave of passion outside the individual’s judgment and control is an idea I keep seeing put forward, and I feel compelled to poke some holes in such a Self-serving definition–it brings to mind those who say, when confronted with their highly un-loving choices, “But we’re in love!” Disloyalty, betrayal, or lacking respect for existing relationships is not a foundation of love, but of Self-indulgence, and it seems that these same people are the ones who want to point the finger and say, “Eros made me do it!” Well, all I can say is, that excuse doesn’t fly. (And in case you’re wondering, my vehemence doesn’t come from my own experience, as, even with a Venus/ Pluto natal square, it’s never happened to me; it comes from watching others feel that they are good, honest people who wouldn’t ever do anything to harm another, justifying causing others hurt in the name of love–and not seeing that what they are doing can’t be love when it’s perpetrated before extrication from existing relationships, causing pain based in duplicity.)

I thought a good way to show this is to illustrate an Eros that is being sold (literally!) as a combination of lust fulfillment, objectification, and the ‘appropriate’ expression of sexuality, defined as within a heterosexual Universe where the male is the aggressor and the female is a two-dimensional supplicant. You may recall from previous articles that in my view Eros is more of a projection than anything else, an eroticization of someone or something; as such, you choose the object; keep that in mind as we look at the chart of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner (9 April 1926, 4:20 PM, Chicago IL USA). Eros is involved in what could be considered a definitive complex for this man, with Eros at 18 Capricorn in the 4th, conjunct the South Node–already we have an indication that his concept of the erotic is at the least drawn from a past era or experience, as this was as true upon the founding of his magazine in the ’50s as it is today–already upon his publication’s inception the objectification of women as passive sexual objects was on the way out as an acceptable idea within the Collective. Here’s the real heart of things, though: his Venus sits at 3 Pisces in the 6th (“Women are my job!” is perhaps the perception?) at the midpoint of Eros/ Sun. We can say that his Soul intent and his erotic nature meet in his ‘ideal woman,’ who, ruled by Neptune, is either malleable, illusory, or whatever his imagination says she is! His Eros is also opposed Pluto, putting an almost mythic spin on things–he may strongly feel that he is in actuality defeating thanatos by expressing his idea of eroticism, and he may feel it was imperative this express materially (sextile to Saturn)–certainly his lifestyle choices, unchanged through the decades, supports this.

Venus is sesquiquadrate Earth and semi-square Sun and Eros–this suggests that he felt compelled to deal with his Venus issues (and to make money from it, as they’re intertwined here), in order to succeed in both material and Soul purposes–and yet the aspects themselves say that the challenge was in doing this in a positive way–I think the Collective jury’s out on whether what he’s done has any worth beyond the exploitative. Venus also trines a Vesta/ Pallas conjunction, adding points for truly admiring women as wise and a part of the sacred–but a Jupiter/ Juno conjunction in the 5th implies he thinks women have far too much power, in romance and likely through the ability to bear children (wow, that’s an ancient concept–and we’re idea-wise back to the South Node/ Eros conjunction).

How does he see himself? His Mars is in Aquarius, so his idealized Self is likely an intellectual–this has certainly always been one of the most grating of the Playboy pretensions–and it is quincunx Pluto (see thanatos, above), semi-sextile the Moon in Pisces in the 6th (remember, the 6th is also the House of those who serve us, and his Venus is there, too–I’ll let you parse that out on your own!), and lastly, his Mars opposes Ceres, perhaps implying that he sees Mother Nature and the inherent authority of the female as ‘against’ him somehow. What little we’ve talked about draws a relatively unflattering portrait of a man who in many ways created his empire more out of fear than a true ‘philosophy’–but is this really surprising? More on Eros is available in my book, THE ASTROLOGY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP, at Dog and Sunflower Press (links at right) and if you’d like to look up your Eros http://www.astro.com/swisseph/eros.htm